


Promenade Mayhem: A Gay Space Ballad

by ughdotcom, unstable_owo



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Don't copy to another site, Enemies With Benefits, Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-09-29
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26709331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ughdotcom/pseuds/ughdotcom, https://archiveofourown.org/users/unstable_owo/pseuds/unstable_owo
Summary: Julian Bashir works at Hot Topic. Elim Garak works at Forever 21. They hate each other for stealing each other's customers. That's of course why Garak has Julian pushed against a wall, their mouths pressed together as they pull the other closer.
Relationships: Jadzia Dax/Kira Nerys, Julian Bashir/Elim Garak, Nog/Jake Sisko, Odo/Quark (Star Trek)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	Promenade Mayhem: A Gay Space Ballad

The Promenade was the most frequented mall in Bajor, Florida. It stood tall on a hill in the downtown, affectionately called Deep Space by Bajor teenagers, due to the fact that very few people lived in the heavily gentrified area, it was filled by shops and restaurants. In The Promenade, there were two stores often frequented by Bajor teenagers. One was Forever 21, a haven of teen popular girls, bursting to life with their fast fashion crimes. The other was Hot Topic, the overpriced palace of alt teens looking for things to shoplift. The stores housed our main characters Elim Garak, a mysterious discharged military man, Benjamin Sisko, often called Dad by the others for reasons he does not understand, Julian Bashir, the tall child still in his emo phase, Jadzia Dax, Bajor’s number one monsterfucker, and other members of The Senior Staff as they were know to everyone but themselves. They will be introduced later.

Garak and Julian hated each other. They both believed that the other’s store was poaching customers from them, and their mutual belief made it all the more easier to form a rivalry. This is why Garak pushed Julian against a wall in a spare storage closet, lips pressed together, hands roaming and pulling each other closer. Yes they hated each other. Yes they are also making out in a storage closet.

“Garak.” Julian moaned into the taller man’s mouth, sounding so pleased that no sane person would believe that they ended up in that position by a screaming match after their shifts.

Garak pulled away for a second, stepping back into the center of the closet, and Julian would deny it, but he made a rather inappropriate whine. “Julian. You keep making our main audience into your little Satanic hell spawn.”

“I’m Muslim.” Julian complained, stepping a bit closer to Garak. “I’m not Satanic. And you keep turning _our_ customers into your prep army, armed with cheesy slogans.”

“Shut up.” Garak said, shoving Julian back against the wall.

“Make me.” Julian said, as Garak shoved their lips together once more, before starting to kiss lower, hands fumbling at Julian’s fly.

\---

Outside, Jadzia and Benjamin sat at Panera, both drinking coffee and eating sandwiches and soup, watching Quark pretend that Jadzia wasn’t pouring a flask into her coffee.

"You know you could just _ask me_ to put alcohol in your coffee!!" he screamed from over the counter.

“How’re sales going?” Jadzia asked, taking a sip out of her 15% alcohol coffee and ignoring Quark.

“Better than ever.” Benjamin said. “Garak may be ex military, but he brings more girls into the shop than ever.”

“Is Benjamin sad that the teenagers don’t find him attractive?” she teased. Seeing his hurt look, she laughed. Benjamin glared fiercely. “I’m kidding! But seriously, he’s not that hot. And that’s coming from Bajor’s number one monsterfucker.”

“I hate that you take that title seriously. And your sales?”

“They’re also going through the roof. Alt gays are attracted to Julian like flies. At least ten teenagers of various genders have asked for his number. He has to clarify that he’s an adult about 20 times a day.”

“Wow, old man.” Benjamin said, as if Jadzia wasn’t both younger than him and had transitioned into female since they had met. It was a nickname that neither remembered how she got, but that had stuck. “You know what that means.” he continued.

“Julian and Garak’s feud is pointless and completely based on homoerotisicm and unresolved sexual tension?” she replied, taking a sip of her alcohol.

“In less words, yes.”

“Hey, did you see where they went? Julian promised to go with me to the record shop.” Jadzia said, scanning the mall hallways, unable to see the men.

Benjamin grabbed her cup and took a swig before saying “storage closet.”

“Hey! What? Oh!” Jadzia said, grabbing her paper cup back while going through several stages of grief after her initial confusion. “They aren’t!”

“Honestly, old man, I don’t think the tension is as unresolved as you think.”

“Benjamin, that's my brother!” Benjamin raised his eyebrows. “My platonic not related to me brother.” she rolled her eyes, before downing the rest of her coffee.

“Don’t you have your shift in 10 minutes?” he asked.

Jadzia looked down at her watch. “Oh. Oh shit!” she grabbed her leather jacket before running towards Hot Topic, pulling on her lanyard.

Benjamin watched her run, chuckling, before his face fell. “Our shifts start at the same time.” he said out loud, grabbing his jacket and running in the opposite direction of her, towards Forever 21.

\---

In the closet, Julian leaned against the wall, eyes closed, his body much less tense than it was before. “Who cleans this up?” he asked.

“I do not know.” Garak said, finishing making it look a little less like they had hatefucked against the wall.

“It better not be Odo. I think he’d use it against us.”

Garak laughed. “He only cares about Quark.”

“Good old fashioned homoerotism.” Garak leaned against the wall next to Julian. “Good thing we weren’t burdened with that.”

Julian let out a breathy laugh. “Don’t you have something? Like tutoring or something?”

“Shit.” Garak breathed out. “Yeah, I’ve got to tutor Ziyal. Goodbye, my dear doctor.” he pressed a quick kiss to Julian’s lips, soft enough that an outsider could almost believe that they were in love, before he was out the door.

“Fuck.” Julian said, thumping the back of his head against the wall a few times. “That was great.” For a moment he let himself imagine a universe where they shared soft kisses in places that weren’t storage closets and dressing rooms after angrily having sex. But he knew that it was a lie, that tomorrow he and Garak would be at each other’s throats again, yelling till Garak pulled him into another small room.

\---

His phone rang. “Hey.” he answered it, hoping that the breathlessness and pleasure was out of his voice.

“If the closet you used is somewhere I have to clean I’m putting shaving cream in all your socks.” the voice on the other end of the phone said.

“You know I wouldn’t do that to you, Jads.” he pushed himself into an actual standing position. “How was lunch with our opponent?”

“Don’t call him that. It was fun. I’m buzzed enough to not hate my shift.”

“I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t say that where customers can hear you.” he said trying to make his rumpled clothes and hickies look somewhat professional.

“It’s just Quark. We all know he’s not buying any of the shit he’s putting in his pockets.” Julian could hear a loud “ _Excuse me!_ ” coming from Jadzia’s side of the phone. “I’m sorry, but it’s the truth.” she explained to the short man who loved to come into stores and steal what he could.

“He knows that he should buy something to look less suspicious, right?”

“Yes, he does. I’m ringing up his nail polish right now. I hope he enjoys the anime t-shirt and the Harry Potter funko pop.”

“Ugh Harry Potter,” he mentally gathered his strength to leave the closet. He wondered how Garak did it so effortlessly. He always felt like everyone knew what had happened in there.

“I mean, Harry Potter itself is good. It’s the author that’s bad,” he heard some unintelligible noise that wasn’t Jadzia before he heard her voice yelling,

“If you are so uncomfortable with me calling out a racist sexist antisemetic homphobic transphobe then you can’t call yourself alt.” more noises that weren’t her. “No, I’m not a gatekeeper. You can create your own subculture, but it isn’t all clothes and music. You also have to be politically left. Yes, goodbye Quark! And maybe next time don't tell the whole damn Promenade I'm buzzed!!”

“Next time remove the phone from your mouth,” Julian said, pushing open the door and waltzing into the hall. “And stop scaring away customers!”

“I’ll do whatever the fuck I want, Jules. I’m technically your boss.” He could practically hear her sneering.

He had forgotten that in their friendship and the fact she was admitting to being buzzed on shift. Maybe he should have remembered that that was the reason that she was able to get away with those things.

“You forgot.” she teased, mirth obvious in her voice.

“I thought you wanted Kira to win the shoplifting tournament.” he said, changing the subject rather obviously. “Aren’t you in love?” he teased as he made his way across the mall to Hot Topic.

“Ok, but consider this, we still get paid the same, and capitalism sucks, and we should stick it to the man. Also I’m not in love!”

“Yes you are!” Julian had seen the way his friend looked at the punk tattoo artist that occasionally visited Hot Topic to steal... and occasionally ogle at the store's manager.

“Then you’re in love with Garak.”

“No I’m not!” he whined. “I hate him!”

“Then why did he suck you off in a closet like 10 minutes ago?” she asked. Julian could feel the smirk in her voice.

“Actually-” Julian let himself trail off, hoping it would scare her off from the Garak train of topic.

“You thought that would scare me? We are both horny as fuck. I literally couldn’t care less.”

“Jadzia!”

“What did he say? How’d it happen? Who tops?”

“Please stop. We’re both in public. You’re working!”

“Stop being a prude. You love to talk about your sexcapades. The only reason you aren’t right now is because they include being railed by your homoerotic enemy in a closet that Janitor O'Brien is going to have to clean. Where am I going with this? Anyway use a bed.”

“Beds imply relationships other than horny enemies, Jadzia.”

“True, but also Odo is wondering who keeps leaving semen all over the closets. I heard him bitching to Kira.”

“What does he know?” Julain asked, more panicked than his cavalier tone implied.

“He thinks Quark is doing it to spite him.” Julian laughed.

“No shit?”

“No shit.” they laughed together.

“I’m almost at the store, I’ll help out.” he said as he stepped onto the escalator.

“You aren’t getting paid extra.”

“Just stop talking about my sex life.” Julian pleaded, knowing that it was probably not going to happen.

“I’ll stop talking about you and Garak, but only to your face.” she conceded. It was a win for him.

“I should be more concerned you gossip about me.” he said, stepping into the store and hanging up.

“You shouldn’t.” she said, turning to him. “Can you get that pastel demon out of the corner, she’s scaring me.”

“Yeah, sure.” he said, kissing her on the cheek and walking up to the girl in the corner.


End file.
